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TALKING TO YOUR PARENTS/GUARDIANS

Telling your parents/guardians about your struggles can seem tough. Try to remember that your parents/guardians do not need to necessarily understand exactly how you are feeling (because it can be hard to describe), but that they do need to know that you are struggling and need help. The following steps can be useful when trying to reach out to your parents.

Make a Plan

It may be helpful to plan out what you are going to say. Maybe try writing a script. It doesn't have to be a whole speech, it could just be some bullet points to help keep you on track. Focus on your symptoms and how they are affecting your life. You can even bring reading material (such as printed out sources that describe symptoms) if it will help them understand.

Prepare for Their Reaction

It may be a good idea to think ahead about their reaction so that you do not get caught off guard. Do not assume the worst of the situation, but prepare yourself in case their response is not want you want it to be. Some negative reactions that you can encounter are:

 

  • Guilt Tripping

    • something they may say:

      • "You have the best life! You have a roof over your head/lots of friends/whatever. You shouldn't be depressed!"

    • what you can say in response: 

      • "Yeah, you're right, I agree. I shouldn't be feeling this way, and that's why I need help."

  • Minimizing the Situation

    • something they may say:

      • "All teenagers are moody sometimes. You're just having a bad day. Stress if normal!"​

    • something you can say in response:

      • "I understand what you're saying, but this is more than that. This is having an impact on me and my ability to live my life. I don't know how to manage it on my own and I need help."

  • Making It About Them

    • something they may say:​

      • "I failed, I'm such a bad parent. I can't even raise a kid who is happy."​

    • something you can say in response:

      • "It's not that you're not doing enough. I'm not saying that anything in our family or my school or our environment needs to change, it's that I need help.​"

Pick the Right Time

It is important that you make sure to pick a time that is good for both you and your parents/guardians. Pick a time when you have their full attention and when they are more likely to take the situation seriously. Make sure to bring it up when you're feeling good and not in crisis. Doing so could undermine your message and make your parents say something along the lines of "Oh, you're upset, you don't know what you're talking about."

Ease into the Conversation

Start by asking them about their own experiences. Ask them if they have ever been depressed or anxious, or if there was a time in their lives when they felt sad, hopeless, or stressed. This can help your parents relate to what you are about to say and prepares them for the conversation. Even if your parents cannot relate to you, it is still a good introduction to start the conversation.

Remember It Does Not Have to Be in Person

For some people a face to face conversation can be anxiety inducing. If you feel like you may have a hard time talking to your parents/guardians in person, consider writing them a letter, email, or text. Doing so also stops your parents/guardians from starting to argue, interrupt, or derail the conversation.

Consider Getting Assistance 

If you feel like you may have a hard time talking to your parents/guardians by yourself, reach out to other adults that you think can help you talk to them. Sometimes parents/guardians will listen more seriously to a person in a position of authority. A school counselor can help you talk to your parents and will follow up with you to make sure that you are getting the help that you need. If not a school counselor, find an excuse to visit your pediatrician so they can have the conversation with your parents instead. If you tell your doctor about the symptoms you are having, they can tell your parents can give them recommendations for local providers. 

Hold Them Accountable

Once the conversation is over, remember to hold your parents accountable for getting you help. Sometimes parents/guardians need a push for them to get going. If you feel like your parents/guardians are like that, trying using the Psychology Today therapist finder to find providers near you.

Take Advantage of Available Resources

While you wait, take advantage of the resources available around you. Check out the Resources to Turn to page or find other resources online. 

References
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